How I Met Your Mother – Grand Finale

…So in a last ditch effort, I somersaulted to the left and felt the rough talons of the beast grab for my tail then miraculously come slipping off. Without second thoughts and no looking back, I darted to the hedgerow to continue on my track.

The days were slowly getting longer and the sun was getting bigger and brighter. For nights and days, I searched new landscapes. I swam across many rapid rivers to try new shores and climbed many creaky old trees to scope the horizon but I just could fathom where the smell was coming from.

As the journey grew longer and harder, temptations to stray off course or quit due to hunger grew bigger. Days went by when I would see hundreds of delicious little, long-eared meals hopping around the hillside carelessly, but I had to turn my nose up and carry on with what I had set out to do. One day I encountered another jack like me. I could see he was itching to bite me on the leg, begging for me to teach him a lesson or two, but I didn’t have time for him. I struck my threatening pose, shrieked at him and flipped off a tree until he got the message and scarpered off. I then continued to follow instructions from my reliable snout, and I too scarpered off.

Days were going by and the lovely scent was growing stronger. I was now miles from anywhere I could recognise, but it didn’t matter because my head was starting to fill with joyous dreams. I imagined a future where eight, nine or even ten little Toasts would be running around, wreaking havoc on the countryside, the same way that I have for these three-hundred-and-fifty-six days of my life.

One day, out of nowhere, I encountered a field that absolutely oozed with the amazing smell of a jill. The smell was so appealing that it almost grabbed me by the nostrils and dragged me down an old abandoned rabbit hole. The burrow seemed creepy and old. It was stuffed with old bits of fur and fluff tangled in grass. It was then that I began to fear the worst. “Is it a trap?” I thought.”What is all this here for” I wondered.”It’s not even that cold this time of year”. I said to myself.

I hung my head in disappointment, as my trusty sniffer that had served me so well for all these months, had let me down this time. With my alertness switched on to the max and my defences up, I decided that I would have to make a run for it. Skipping across the walls of the old chambers and squeezing through some collapsed tunnels, I headed towards daylight.

Then it happened. As I sprinted through a tunnel and torpedoed out of the burrow entrance, in slow motion I went crashing into the most beautiful thing I’d ever seen. It was a gorgeous jill. When I glided into her we must have rolled together for about three meters, finishing in a heap together. I felt like a total fool I started talking gibberish, trying to apologise but she took no notice of my pleas and just started sniffing me affectionately and told me to “shush”.

All I could think was “wow, she’s perfect. She looks so athletic and she smells like heaven. She could easily raise some young toasts”

She must have liked me too because we took a long hard look at each other and headed back down the burrow together.

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